General updates about day to day life
November 7th 2019 Had a lovely birthday present from my family; a 4 day trip to Valencia, in Spain! They intentionally planned it in the first days of November, anticipating the weather to have cooled down enough to make it comfortable for me. But of course we hit the town during a warm spell; it was 28 degrees (Celsius) all throughout our stay. A bit warm for me and the hotel was wonderful but had air fresheners and perfume dispensers in the main hall, also making its way into the air conditioning systems somehow... So I opted for open balcony doors instead. Making the room fairly warm... These Spanish folks actually have perfume dispensers everywhere, I soon found out. In most shops and in front of entrance doors of rich peoples apartments too. Reason 1: the Spanish love perfume. Reason 2: Valencia has a penetrating sewer stench naturally... With my rosacea I more so prefer temperatures at or below 18 degrees, but what can you do.. Luckily it wasn't raining at least. And the town has so many old narrow streets that there seemed to be shade mostly all throughout the day, except for a small time window of 12:00-13:30 perhaps. So it was a lovely few days.
I mostly liked the old center and the narrow streets and shops and restaurants, it had a cool vibe I suppose. I saw Donald Trump also in the museum of fine arts! Well he was painted on a 15th century artwork. Spitting image, wouldn't you say? I added the photos down below. I do notice how different my sister and I are, for instance. She and my mum also actually love company; love to socialize. they get energy from getting together. Whereas socializing and being out and about actually drains my energy. They understand that, luckily. But still called me from my room for another get together around 17:00, despite us already having had breakfast together, gone on a day tour together, and had lunch together :) Same with after dinner drinks. Super lovely and it was nice to have the time and space to talk for a longer time than in every day busy life, but I'd need some unwinding alone before bed. My rosacea was not too bad. Although I did flare up and flush at times. But I brought my portable neck fans and they are just great. Most people either don't notice them or think they are headphones for your music device. But they kept me comfortable even with the warmer weather, I had the thing running while out for dinner too. What a great invention.
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October 7th 2019
Ugghhh, had an unpleasant experience on Monday. I had woken up around 03:10 AM and was sleeping on the couch of my living room with the window open a bit, as the housing corporation had been working in my bedroom all day to replace a wood floor. And the bedroom was still smelly of all the off-gassing and new products and such. I've got a ground floor house, and just after 3 in the morning I woke up and looked through the curtain and window outside in the garden, and I saw someone standing at the gate at the back of my garden! Some man with a dark parka jacket with a hoody up.. He was pushing my gate, walking back and front. Trying to get in, pulling himself up on the gate etc. I had put a bike chain lock around that gate's door earlier, the week prior actually, unrelated, but for my sense of safety. By now I was wide awake and so frightened. I got up, closed and locked the window right away and called 911 (well our Dutch equivalent) and police came round within 10 minutes. But by then the person was gone. They said they would patrol the area and the back of my gardens for a bit that night. Said it could have been an opportunity burglar who noticed an open window. Even though it was pissing down with rain and not quite the wealthiest neighborhood of town. Even though my alleyway is locked from the streets and only accessible for those with a key... They also advised me to switch a small light on for the rest of the night and keep windows locked. - Darn, I didn't dare to sleep until the sun rose. And was afraid to sleep the next night also! Just feels so unsafe that someone tries to get into your garden and your house at that hour of the night :( What is someone doing there in the rain in the dead of night? Maybe a junk or something.. I don't even want to think about what had happened if he had managed to get into the garden, he could have stepped right into my living room through the window and then what.. I hadn't locked that gate for years actually, despite sleeping with a window open usually, because of that other locked gate at the ends of the alleyway. But turns out it's not safe :/ 
Uggghhhaaaghhr I just hate whomever tries to burglar anyone at night. I read that when sentencing burglars or attackers in court, the fact that it happened at night in the dark is an aggravating factor. I understand why. Thought of keeping a bat or a hammer or a knife besides me at night, but seems rather pointless as I often can't even open a jar of applesauce. Any guy with bad intentions will just laugh, take the weapon off me and hit me on the head with it instead. I'll defo install some things soon though. Like some sort of bars in front of that main window and a better light that goes on when someone passes a sensor. It may flash a lot with the neighbouring cats using the gardens but well. If this happens another time, I'll just have to smuggle my real WW2 Walther P38 into the country. Its in .. lets say the family countryside abode now, and I'm feeling like a Bible belt redneck now for saying this, but it is a good feeling carrying something like that on wilderness walks, in the middle of nowhere.
Something more uplifting, have seen a movie which you may have already seen yourself, or perhaps not. It's called Er ist Wieder Da. Was very interesting. Hitler comes back to Germany, straight from 1945. But now it is 2014. He is still in uniform and seemingly just like the Hitler we all know. A TV maker with problems at work takes him under his wings, they travel through Hitlers beloved heimat (Germany) and Hitler decides that he needs to go back into politics after talking to many Germans along the way, and finding out about the immigration crisis and the demoralization under his people. Its interesting, this actor never falls out of his role and the movie is half documentary, because the way people respond to him out in the streets or pubs is all non-scripted apparently. They're not actors, but real people, who truly look 4 times at him, taking selfies with 'Hitler' and talking with in pubs about their grievances. Soon he gets invited for many more TV appearances and within no time he is popular again - that part is scripted movie. But the interesting aspect of it all, is that you are more or less shown how he gains that sort of popularity all over again. Hitler looks at modern day living in a super non-PC manner; he is very honest. And he names the things which the media and the PC-mobs out there are pretty much prohibiting people nowadays. That creates friction with some people, but also a vacuum where demagogues and rabble-rousers like Hitler can jump into; he himself is just downright honest about what he does and doesn't like. For instance, he discovers the existence of commercial TV; "a wonderful invention", he says, "another sign of the superiority of the white race". But why is there so much crap broadcast on it? Cooking shows, soaps series, advertisements; crap crap crap for the masses. When this invention could also be used to bring so much knowledge and enlightenment to the people... And he has his opinions on a lot of stuff, he gives space for those criticizing aspects of the immigration policies of Germany for instance; listens to their grievances, acknowledges their feelings (no matter how abhorrent they are to many viewers), and says out loud where he thinks things go wrong for "his people". Of course he turns in no time into a crafty manipulator all over again, but he is not painted like the archetypal Bad Guy; his person is not viewed merely through the fog and smoke of the Holocaust in the way Hollywood tends to do this. That level of nuance, as well as the humor that it put in the movie, is quite interesting to see. And the way in which even some sympathy for Hitler is created by the movie makers. Not a lot, don't worry. 
So the movie creators show a less black and white "Auschwitz-Hollywood-view" of Hitler. It also shows him like he was said to have been in real life by some historians; Austrian charm, courteous to women, sharp; witty even in the eyes of some. He rarely fell out of that role and also liked to gossip with his own secretaries about the other Nazi headpieces for instance in real life. He loved to eat Sacher torte and his personal wealth turned out to be a fraction of what modern day dictators amass. Apparently 90% were royalties from his book. . He loved to watch Laurel and Hardy movies. Could also (unlike entirely paranoid people like Joseph Stalin) tolerate some level of differences of opinion. The rows with his generals and Wehrmacht are legendary, or so I read. And they weren't by default murdered for disagreeing with Der Führer; many of those generals came from Prussian military families and they didn't let even Hitler over-scream them. Ernst Röhm was gay and kept in high position for instance by Hitler. And when you look at the Hitler-era TV, aside from the Riefenstahl propaganda, you also had Deutsche Wochenschau, which showed the war sometimes rather factually. Until March 1945, and everything also kept functioning. In May 1945 they still gave out medals for bravery in Berlin, despite capitulation being minutes away. And the typed documents to go with such medals were also still typed out. That's the German Grundlichkeit of course. Absurdity to me and don't get me wrong, we grew up with significant hatred for Germany, with my grandparents having been active in the resistance and having gone through quite a lot with that, so that is the context for me personally to look at this historical figure. But that doesn't mean this movie cant be enjoyed as a daring and interesting project.
Emily Brontë poems
And here is some religious music I've been listening to recently, it may not be your cup of tea! Religious or not, I find it so beautiful (Russian orthodox)
September 17th 2019
Here all's OK. Flushing is up and down, some decent days, some flushed hot days. I'm just working mostly and use the good days to meet with friends and family and to do some fun things. Temperatures are slowly but surely going down here; I'm glad we're heading to winter again. - I read something about people even worse off than us flushers and burners. This vlogger couple got arrested in Iran for flying their drone there illegally.... Near an aerial base... Which was pretty silly if you ask me. But I just read what sort of shithole prison they are now in... Out of curiosity. Some of the stories from there make your blood boil. Makes our very restricted lives seem cushy in comparison though. I watched some of their youtube videos too, they seemed to enjoy life and made pretty videos with their drone. But nothing about their videos stood out from the other army of travel vloggers. Well, that is, until they went beyond the beaten paths and into dangerous territory. I bet there are hundreds of videos of the beaches and coasts of Thailand, from people just like them. But Iran on the other hand... 'Influencers' like them (ohhh the smugness of that term/work title alone) see all this as a business model for them. We all know people who are willing to fall off a cliff for that 'perfect instagram photo'. Now these subsidized vloggers make a few hundred dollars per video, so they are traveling ('working') on someone else's purse.. They get money for their videos and sponsoring pays for their world trips... So to keep all of that up, or to widen their scope and possibilities, they need to garner new subscribers to their online channels. And they won't get them by going over the beaten paths. So some bloggers are taking all sorts of risks, going to dangerous countries, 'edgy' places. These two wanted to 'break the stigma' of places like Iran'. Well... I guess they failed! "Our biggest motivation behind the vlogs is to hopefully [..] try to break the stigma around travelling to countries which get a bad rap in the media', they said in a post." They probably now realize exactly why some countries get "a bad rap in the media". So, one star for Iran then, I suppose.
But in Iran's defense; not that I am a fan of radical religious sects and Ayatollahs suppressing women and intellectuals, or anyone who undermines their holy book.. But did the bloggers really think it wise to fly a drone (for those awesome insta videos) in Iran? Near a military airport base, of all places? Despite this being illegal, as well as highly suspicious at this moment in time, with Irans extensive political conflict in the region and with some Western countries? Did the vloggers even check the rules of the host country or follow the news outside of the facebook timeline updates? It's frightening what happened to them, because they have been jailed for quite a few weeks already now, in one of Irans most infamous jail hellholes. I can only imagine the shock, anxiety and horror that engulfed them after that innocent jolly drone flight, capturing them frolicking around with gooey smiles in the beautiful playground that is the Iranian countryside. Only to be interrupted by... serious policemen. Arrested on suspicion of espionage.. But the planet is more than a pink bubble of revenue possibilities for the influencers of this world. Doesn't everybody know that drones have no go areas, especially in Iran? But.. but... that drone was needed to get pretty shots, so that their sponsors would be happy, so that more people would notice their videos and subscribe -> aka; more revenue. As my friend put it: "Flying a drone at a military complex or airport is just an act of warfare .. certainly in Iran". I guess diplomats are now meddling on the highest level to get them out of that prison; basically trying to put them above the law, in other words. But just in this specific case, it may perhaps work against them that they are half baked 'celebrities'. Because Iran can perhaps use them to bargain with countries like the USA, who have Iranians in their prisons. And to see your future lying in the hands of diplomats and negotiators... must be frightening.
And Tehran's Evin Prison does sound like a terrible place to end up in... I read a couple of articles about that prison, and they are frightening. In life we usually get second chances to correct our errors, but some errors have dire consequences.. I suppose Iran will now use them as levy to get their own Iranian prisoners abroad free. Not sure how much Australian diplomats can change about the situation. I understand entirely how appalling normal daytime jobs are, and anyone who wants this lifestyle of traveling and being 'free'; but in the case of influencers, they are not entirely free of course. They travel at the expense of the advertisement industry and of patrons who make this new type of work possible. - Like my friend said on the topic: "It used to be journalists who took these type of risks in countries of turmoil. But they did so for newspaper articles, and they knew the risks they took. But now we have social media people, not only acting ignorantly, but also not informing themselves of the laws, restrictions, customs and history of the culture they want to “report” on. Ego Ego Ego. As many times in the last few years that people have been detained, imprisoned, killed in other countries, there is a mass of young social media people that seem to believe they are invincible. In today’s world of info screaming around the world like a nuclear rocket, I hope they get out soon. And I hope that their egos are permanently tempered. I’m not a supporter of Iran and countries that blatantly violate human rights, but if you are a guest in any country you must behave with respect to their laws. True, there are many people who don’t want a regular job these days and who want an online media life. Wanting the perks of travel most humans can’t afford. Life is tough. Life is work. Maybe they will get out, tell their story. For more money.. and we will watch it on Netflix. 😧"
The cynical thing is indeed that if they get out any time soon (and they may just as well if Iran makes a deal with Western countries about prisoners swapping), then they WILL most likely have a surge in subscribers, aka a rise in bankability, aka a surge in advertisers and income. Perhaps even a netflix deal in the pipeline. But for now it seems they took a risky gamble though..
Some upbeat music (yeh I'm liking
Maître Gims at the moment :P)
August 22nd 2019 Referring to the last update --> Not that the state of the literary market these days is really that very important, in the big scheme of things. Not at all really. I'm currently so upset about the large Brazil rain forest fires. Deeply depressed about it to be honest. Brazil's right-wing president Bolsonaro apparently has more interest in the countries economy than in their responsibility to protect the Amazon rain forest. Tens of thousands of forest fires are raging currently all over Brazil, partly started deliberately by farmers who are allowed to steal more jungle terrain for agricultural land. More land for their cattle, fattening their cows, so that us Europeans, Americans and other first world members can stuff our faces with their prime steaks. Unbelievable what is going on there in Brazil right now. I heard one of Hollands correspondents living in Brazil talk about how Bolsonaro was elected in 2018, mainly as an 'anti-vote' after the Left had disappointed the people by being entangled in a corruption scandal. A very costly anti-vote, as Bolsonaro has one main incentive; letting the economy grow and he is willing to put the interests of the farmers above those of the native people living in the jungles. They already went to parliament to protest in a magnificent way, but their lands are reduced and stolen as we speak. And valuable rain forest and all its many plants and animals are burnt before our eyes. I'm not a fan of the modern day Left and their identity politics and political correctness hysterics, but the Right and their lust for MONEY and economics over the environment gets me more upset.
And it's easy to point to Brazil now, but each and everyone of us who eats not just meat but also soy products is also to blame. Because it is not just the meat farmers who require these ever expanding pieces of land for their cattle and for the food for the cattle, but soy production also has a big impact on the ecosystem. Soy demand has increased around 70% in the last ten years. 300 million hectares of tropical forests have so far been felled for the soy. In Brazil alone 20.4 Million Hectares are occupied by soy. GM soy occupies 185 million acres of land. 260 million ton crop is fed to animals or converted to biofuels. So if we want this to stop, we should all look closely to our own tapping into the food chain. Etc etc. (That, and they should bomb that right wing scum Brazilian president). The whole world should also pay more subsidy money to countries like Brazil, and have solid contracts with them about maintaining the rain forest; we should all fund this, not just them. As its in everyone's interest (transcending countries economic interests). I understand what some of the Brazilians say: 'Why should we we the only ones who have to take care of the rain forest?? When its existence and maintenance is in everybody's best interest. Yet Europe and the USA for instance have hád their industrial revolutions; have already destroyed most of their natural habitats in order to stimulate the economy. And now WE in Brazil need to put our economy on hold to protect the rain forest?' They have a point. All the countries in the world should agree on an annual donation for countries like Brazil, in exchange for an ironclad contract. Brazil gets compensated by all of us for loss of earnings and in return they leave the rain forests alone. The international funds can be used to pay farmers and to use for their own economy and social systems. That needs to be organized soon... I can literally cry thinking about all the wildlife that has been burnt to death in the rain forest right now, due to that gangster in power there. Farmers needing more ground for their cattle so that us posh fucks over here can have our daily piece of steak, or those fancy soy-late whatever macchiatos. It makes me livid, how the rain forest is sacrificed and also how hypocritical we all are, including everyone who buys their daily meat from the supermarkets, who buy it in turn from countries like Brazil, who keep burning the rain forest down to get more ground for their cattle. Its just horrendous ðŸ˜But humanity won't stop until they abused every piece of earth and wrung every last bit of oil, gas or energy out of it. Killed off all the wildlife for their fur or horns or whatever else humans think they 'need' it for. All the while the human world population is booming and everybody seems mainly busy with leading that ultimate 'meaningful' life, including grabbing everything it has to offer. Globalization and decadence will ultimately ruin it for everyone of us. Like a friend of mine often says; a meteorite making humanity extinct would probably be the most humane thing for planet earth at this stage. That, or send most of humanity into space, on a one way track. And with that peaceful thought I'll go to sleep now.
I read some more interesting things. Mostly Jung-related ideas.so... apparently being in love is largely about projection. We project the most noble and good qualities on the other when we are in love; often also features that we ourselves do not possess (enough). It is only when you get to know the other person really well, by entering into an intimate relationship and by spending a lot of time close by that person, that the scales almost always fall from your eyes. Only then will you find out what was real and what was ultimately your own projection with this person (and a lot is usually projection). That sometimes also explains why people continuously fall for the wrong people; they just don't see what we see from a distance (that, or they look for familiar patterns). People can soon think: Yes, but I know him/her quite well by now. I knów that he/she also has bad sides, just like everybody else. But that does not mean that you are rid of that magical projection. No one is an all round, full person, we all have things that we are good at and things that we do not personally possess. So the people we feel most attracted to, often possess thóse characteristics and behaviors that we ourselves lack or have the most difficulty acquiring. Traits which we experience as supplementary to our own personality. You will be automatically attracted to those.
And irritations and jealousy towards others are also often projections. It is precisely those things that we are jealous of in others, that are often areas in which we ourselves fail, but for which we do have talent; talent that remains unused. (Or we are just downright annoyed by people who work against us, or who hurt us or who are simply annoying). But even jealousy and the personal irritations we have can be multi-layered. Jealousy is also linked to projection often. For example, someone who has a lurking musical talent, but who doesn't do much with it, sometimes cannot stand hearing a friend play the piano or guitar exceptionally well. And will find fault all the time. The spark for this jealousy and pettiness is often a deep sense of unpleasantness (and confrontation of the ego) when being confronted with this friend. The own shadow side as they call it gets triggered; the knowledge that she herself does too little with her own music talent; hearing the other play then triggers her jealousy, because there is nothing more confrontational with regard to your own inabilities than to see its fulfillment elsewhere. (The same goes for a woman who, for example, does not succeed in losing weight, and then meets with her skinny girlfriend. That in itself generates jealousy and annoyance, and the fat woman often starts scoffing at the slim friend: "She only eats lettuce leaves anyway!'). The real trigger is a sudden feeling of inferiority flaring up. The unconscious saying that you are worthless. It is even possible that people project their own uncertainties on objects or superficial appearances; the ego urging them to buy way too many nice clothes and shoes etc. Or yet another new car. Or that it spikes them to obsessively earn more and more money. All of which only gives short satisfaction; it is often a remedy patch for the insecurity which people feel (sub)consciously. When contained and in balance, all that is fine. But when its out of balance, such an obsession for external symbolization can be detrimental and urge people on to buy or obtain more more and more. For the wrong reasons.
So on the surface, people seem envious of each other over external things; but in essence it is often about inner possessions. A. is not so much jealous of B., because he earns more, but because he apparently has the capacity to do so; possesses capacities that are then also utilized. Thát causes jealousy, especially when you yourself also possess those same capacities ... but don't do anything with them. The inner consciousness then feels hurt by the realization of an error; through the awareness of a defect. The gaping emptiness created by a totally neglected talent, gives a feeling of dissatisfaction, which..... is then often soon projected onto someone or something else. If only I had this or that... If only that person did more such and such.. Tricks from the ego! So every person has a shadow side. It is made up of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings and instincts. They can also be primitive animal instincts, which have been replaced by the conscious mind during early childhood. This shadowy side is often considerably suppressed by 'civilized man'. Which can lead to problems; emotional flatness and lack of spontaneity, sensitivity and creativity. Artists draw from that shadow side for their creative works. But as an artist you must always take good care that this reservoir of darkness does not get the upper hand. Hence... why so many artists suffer from addictions, depressions and what not.Well.. that's the theory. And Jung has some strange mystical side-effects on some of his followers apparently, which I find off-putting. A friend of mine said that 'being in love' is in his opinion actually one level more complex--and detrimental to the individual--than 'projection'. That an individual unknowingly pursues, and ultimately 'falls in love', not solely with a data set; a projection of qualities he or she lacks, but that the individual is essentially in pursuit of a version of his or her self, and any relationship that develops. And in any and all interaction that occurs, the individual consistently anticipates the desired response...in accord to his or her consciousness...or subconscious. Thus, the individual may 'be in love with 'X' ', but in actuality, 'X' is, in many relationships a layer of abstraction, an instrument of 'physical necessity', 'X' being but a reflection of the observing individual; the individual whom, at the subconscious level, is satisfied (transitory as the coupling may be), with the imperfect composition of his or her self. Thus, when the behavior of 'X' is incoherent or becomes incoherent in comparison with the behaviour of the individual, the dissonance between the individual and the imperfect doppelganger 'X' becomes apparent, the mirage of 'love' evaporates, and conflict is made manifest - conflict between the individual and the imperfect composition that is 'X'. "That was my conclusion to the question as to why individuals pursue 'love'. (The theory omits conflict caused by external factors, such as infidelity, etc.)"
August 18th 2019I watched the HBO series Chernobyl lately. I think it's unbelievably good. Only has 5 episodes and am still numb after watching the last one. Don't miss this, it's truly a 10/10. It's a very intense experience, that series, and so well written and acted that I'm still thinking about it now. In 1986 the wind came from the East so I was nearly 7 then and remember it being all over the national news. We couldn't drink milk for weeks in the Netherlands, as the clouds passed over western Europe. A lot of fear. You may also like that this series shows most of all the human errors that were made, and the ways in which the USSR used to deal with errors. There is a hero Russian too though, trying to oppose the system. But it's not your average Yankee doodle approach to "Bad Russians". Its all super realistic and without scapegoating Russia as Americans tend to do. Or so I felt.
August 14th 2019
August 10th 2019
Health wise I'm ok. Took 10 days of penicillin and antibiotics and my face and rosacea got progressively more red and flushed and on fire as I neared the end of the course. But my arm became nice and pale again and I don't think my arm infection is returning at the moment (knock on wood). It did take some time for the pinkness of the skin to go away entirely. And the alcohol dressings helped, but also made the skin dry and scaly so the new skin under the scales that are coming off may be more new and weaker and therefore less pale looking, perhaps.. When I go outside where it is warm, or when I have my arm under the blankets at night and it gets hot, the skin looks more pink patchy still, which once freaked me out into thinking the infection had returned. But when I just have it cooled normally during the day, it looks normal. So should be fine. Also no signs of tetanus yet, knock on wood. Ugh... I am just OCD worrying with these things; used to look at it 10 times an hour in different lights and rooms etc. haha. I'm just constantly on egg shells not to have any other body issue that needs treatment, as my rosacea is so volatile. Like my friend with similar flushing wrote back: "Yeh exactly, when this bad you don't want to leave the house for anything and definitely not a warm doctors office or hospital." But all seems to go back to normal now and my rosacea is calming down a bit too now. I drank kefir in the days after I finished the medication course, but the histamine in it (its fermented) just made my flushing go through the roof, so I stopped taking it again..
I also bought this AMAZING small neck ventilator. Its truly so good, I carry it everywhere now. It gets charged easily with a little cable to your computer and it has 3 speed settings. The slowest is good enough for me, it cools, you have your hands free, I don't think it looks too freakishly, or at least not more freakish than holding a hand fan in front of your face when out in public :) And it makes much less noise than my hand fans; not like you are about to take off in a helicopter. I bought it for only 14 euro's and I can see me using this thing not only in public transport, but even when I am in a restaurant or something.
Just in the news: Jeffrey EPSTEIN found dead in his cell... Suicide, apparently.... How relieved Bill Clinton and his elite palls must be that they won't have to testify in court now, or see how more files are declassified. As well as the other people named only a few days ago by one of the victims, who are high profile, but who were never charged and therefore extra nervous probably for this Epstein trial to start and unearth all their sodden affairs: "Bill Richardson, Britain’s Prince Andrew (whom she has accused before), wealthy financier Glenn Dubin, former senator George Mitchell, now-deceased MIT scientist Marvin Minsky, and modeling agent Jean-Luc Brunel, as well as “another prince,” a "foreign president," a well-known prime minsiter" and the owner of a “large hotel chain” in France." Although some say that even President Trump has an interest in all this, regardless of the fact that he most likely first approved these new charges of Epstein before they came out (hence; I doubt he has much to fear from in-depth investigations into Epsteins sex-ring shenanigans). This sinister man amassed a fortune and during the upcoming trial, the public could have finally found how. It is claimed that he filmed and documented his wealthy and powerful friends, after inviting them to his private island, while using the young women there who he paid or forced into sexual acts. Often underage, as the accusers of him state, some forced against their will. And that by blackmailing them with said evidence, he in the end became so rich. Something that is now in the spheres of speculation, but which this upcoming court case would dig further in and make public. But... without a suspect, this court case won't take place. Isn't this all very strange, considering Epstein was said by many news sites to have been on suicide watch (and most certainly very carefully monitored, being the high profile prisoner that he was), and in a near bare cell after his previous 'suicide attempt' - from what I read an attempt to strangle himself with his bare hands. Anyone who had biology in school will know that this is physically impossible to die of. Although it has not been confirmed whether Epstein attempted suicide, or whether he may have been attacked inside his prison cell. In fact, one of his guards has told the press that someone tried to kill him then, and that it wasn't a suicide attempt. And that Epstein himself told staff at the prison as well that he feared that someone had tried to kill him. Aaiiii.... *Update; he is now reported not to have been on suicide watch anymore. Which angers people possibly even more, as there was the serious incident that got him hospitalized with strangulation marks on his neck only a couple of weeks before, and he was held in a very high security prison. How come he wasn't on suicide watch, considering what happened recently and considering the extremely high profile prisoner that he was? And how is it possible in the type of bare cells these high security prisons are said to have, with special sheeting you cannot hang yourself from, that this happened once, twice possibly if that hospitalization 3 weeks ago was for a failed suicide attempt perhaps? This former inmate says it is completely impossible, unless you get help one way or another.
So he is dead. But how exactly? How can someone of his political importance and high media covering caliber die like that in a high security cell? And was this truly a suicide? Or did someone perhaps pay for his demise? Is he even really dead? Its speculation but the facts as presented to us are startling almost everyone who hears them, also politicians form the Left and Right alike. Of course it is possible that Epstein bribed someone, somehow, and had such a fervent death wish that he could not wait a little longer for this very important and most likely revealing court trial to start. But it does sound all too strange that one of the most important prisoners at the moment, under strict surveillance, after already having gone through a previous attack of sorts, was allowed clearly to do this, when so much was leaning onto him making it to this trial alive. Some people online had already predicted that the Epstein court case was never going to make it to court; too many people high up with too many interests involved. I discussed it with a friend and we also said prior to this; he will have an 'accident' while in jail. Bill Clinton was recorded by pilot data to have been on Epsteins Lolita Express plane with underaged girls being used for sex no less than 26 times. He himself admitted to 4 such trips. Here you can see the flight records mentioned and shown. And Prince Andrew was going to be humiliated even more (again), with his frequent trips on Epsteins 'Lolita Express' and love for wildly underaged girls. Some of his victims have already spoken out in the past few days. See this Daily Beast article on the case, for instance. Its horrible and infuriating in a way, thinking about these poor women who have their chance of justice and of being heard in court taken away from them now. If we are lucky, investigators may reveal what truly happened here, although there is already talk online that those surveillance videos of the prison, normally recording 24/7, may have been out of functioning order that night. Lets hope they'll get to the bottom of it all, but for now its gob-smacking to read that someone who had not long before been on 24/7 suicide watch, was first found 'strangled by his own hands', and then managed to kill himself while in an isolation cell with guards, surveillance and all, being such a high profile prisoner. Especially when 2 prominent politicians were named involved in this pedophile case on the same day. They could as well have aired today: Breaking News: Jeffrey Epstein commits suicide with three gunshots in the back of his head. That would raise just as many eyebrows as what we heard today. The fact that they kept him in NYC where he was so close to so many higher ups who had dirt on him, just blows my mind also. Couldn't he have been kept somewhere further away until actual the actual time for his trial?
And I bet #Arkanside will be trending on twitter now (oh yeh, it already is I now see, and someone posted a picture of the pavement in front of Epsteins house, with a message scribbled in crayon). Next we may see a whole list of #metoo victims start disappearing all over the country now. Whomever raped and has money is going to want to avoid ending up like Epstein and will simply silence his victim(s). If you followed any of this, what do you think, truly a suicide? Or did someone help him? My friend wrote: "I wonder if he did a Joseph Goebbels. He had a pill stashed away. Maybe someone slipped him in a pill.. Ann Coulter will be shattered. She has reported on Epstein for over a decade and was finally pumped about justice being served. Even skeptics must be raising an eyebrow at the Clinton body count. It’s unbelievable. Everyone just knew this would happen. And today news came out that an ex governor and ex senator were involved in underage sex of a girl. How can a inmate high profile status get access to tools or instruments to self harm himself? Was it a inside hit to cover up high profile names? Was it the Clinton mob do him in?" Another friend of mine wrote me: "I haven’t been following this much since I have stayed away from the news for the most part the past month so I am mainly gleaming the following insights from what you wrote and the little I know. In my opinion I think he was snuck out of that facility. Funny how the cameras go off right when he commits suicide. Was there a little light that showed when the cameras were on and he was watching it closely all the time, saw them go off and then strangled himself? There have been way too espionage movies made in the past few decades for anyone with half a lick of common sense to fall for this being a suicide. There are countless movies plots with almost this exact scenario. I think this is why so many that don’t normally go the conspiracy route chimed in early that Epstein would “commit suicide”. Of course the elites would get him out. He is probably on some island somewhere. He probaly has so much dirt on all the people he dealt with. I wouldn’t be surprised if he told a few of these “elites” that if anything happens to him that he has some “unknown person” that will be release all the goods on them. I think Epstein’s “escape” is why he had his first failed suicide attempt, to set the stage, to make it look like he was trying to do that...then when it did happen nobody would doubt it. Is this the plot line of a Jason Bourne movie?"
Elie Honig, a CNN Legal Analyst who previously worked for 14
years as a federal and state prosecutor, stated the following:
Update January 16th 2020: Jeffrey Epstein had burst capillaries in his eyeballs after he died which pathologist tells Dr. Oz suggests he was STRANGLED and did not hang himself"Dr. Michael Baden was among pathologists who examined Epstein's dead body . In an interview on The Dr. Oz Show on Thursday, he explains why his death is suspicious. Dr. Baden shared never-before-seen photos of Epstein's eyeballs and the burst capillaries in his eye sockets. He said they are consistent with manual strangulation and not hanging. He also says the bottom of Epstein's legs should have gone purple or maroon if he'd been hanging from his bedpost but they were pale. Dr. Baden also says the 'noose' Epstein used is inconsistent with his neck injuries
A forensic pathologist has claimed that Jeffrey Epstein was likely murdered and did not hang himself because he had burst capillaries in his eyes which is consistent with manual strangulation and not hanging. In an exclusive clip from a Dr. Oz special set to air on Thursday, pathologist Dr. Michael Baden examines photographs of Epstein's eyes and other parts of his lifeless body taken during his autopsy. Dr. Baden was among physicians in the room when Epstein's autopsy took place. He says it is highly unusual that the cause of his death went from being undetermined - when it was first ruled - to suicide by hanging five days later. He said he believes there are many 'red flags' which suggest he was murdered and did not kill himself. Chief among them are the burst capillaries and the fact that the color in his lower legs was pale and not purple or blueish which, he says, would have likely been the case had he hung himself from his bunk bed as officials say he did. 'In a hanging, the arteries and the blood vessels, the veins are both clogged off and the person is pale. The face is pale,' Dr Baden said. 'It suffocates you, no blood goes up there,' Dr Oz continued. Dr. Michael Baden went on: 'That’s right. No blood coming in or out.... with a manual strangulation, there’s a backup of a pressure and the little capillaries can rupture and they’re best seen in the eye.' Dr. Baden also revealed why the pale color of Epstein's legs raises another question for him. 'The blood settles after we die. The so-called lividity, if your hanging, the lividity is on the lower part on the legs. 'These would be like maroon/ purple, front and back and they aren't.' His interpretation of the autopsy backs up claims from Epstein's estate and conspiracy theorists that he was murdered in August in his cell in the Metropolitan Correctional Center and did not hang himself. At the time, Epstein was awaiting trial on sex trafficking charges. Dozens of women have accused him of trafficking them when they were underage girls and pimping them out to his wealthy and well-known friends. Dr. Baden says it is 'very unusual' how Epstein's death was ruled.
'The initial death certificate was issued at the time of the autopsy, it's pending further study, getting more information. 'Five days later it was changed to hanging suicide and one of the things the family wishes to know, the estate wishes to know is, what was that additional information that caused them to change it when five months later and the family still doesn't know what happened to in the first encounter and what happened to him when he was found dead. 'Is that unusual, that you have a five month gap?' Dr. Oz asked him. He replied: 'It's very unusual, especially in a prison situation.' Dr. Baden also examined the 'noose' Epstein apparently used to kill himself and said it was inconsistent with his injuries. 'Doesn't follow the furrow, number one. Number two, there's no evidence that there's any blood or tissue on any of the part of the loop. Most of all, this little area shows a pattern that wouldn't be made by this smooth surface of the sheet that was torn to make the noose. 'The problem I think why we're here today, five months later, is that there's been a total lack of transparency in what happened to Epstein,' he said. On the night he died, Epstein had already once tried to kill himself before and had been moved into suicide watch in the prison. He was inexplicably removed from suicide watch and put in a cell without a cellmate. The night he died, prison guards Tova Noel and Michael Thomas failed to complete multiple mandatory checks on him. They have been charged with falsifying documents for lying about performing the checks. Prosecutors say they were in fact surfing the internet and napping at their desks."
I also watched this very interesting documentary this week. Some very interesting things in it. I like Sam Vaknin's videos anyway, as a professor he has great insights into narcissists and borderline personality disorder and other mental disorders, but he also suffers from narcissistic personality disorder himself. And here in this documentary he chimes into the ways in which social media channels are all based on envy and validation. He states that social media designers want to isolate people from normal every day interaction, by gluing them to the screen for as long as possible. But they also manage to do that through evoking hatred and annoyance in their users. Its no coincidence he says, that twitter for instance only allows for very short messages to be made, knowing that aggressive speech acts are so much shorter than positive, nuanced messages. And social media also influences the way many people are thinking, by rewarding them for being controversial: these users are often conditioned and addicted to 'likes' and approval signs, Vaknin says, and being bland is not giving you the same approval rate as being bold in the things you state and post online. He deems it thought and behavioural control and a real addiction all in one. He also highlights the public social ranking systems that all these social media platforms have, even twitter, which was introduced to further "shame you and further motivate you to the toxicity" of the medium, the self perpetuating loop. Vaknin even calls the people who are addicted to this psychotic, and says that they are everywhere. And that the basis (often subconscious level) of all these mediums is pathological envy. The amount of likes and retweets other people get (and to see for the rest of their friends or the world), the content that is published that warrants those likes and retweets. Envy which then in turn has to motivate the other users to spend even more time on the social media medium, and share even more.I found it interesting how Vaknin described 3 groups of social media users; the oldest people, who are in their 20s, 30s or 40s when the internet came on, use social media as a form of communication primarily. They use social media as a natural extension of the mail and telephone; swapping of information essentially. My friend (same age group as me) said about this: "I am glad Vaknin included this observation. For the older group, the internet is simply another utility. For me, the internet is a repository of boundless data more than anything else (inclusive of mounds of errors and misconceptions and garbage)." But the younger users are much more attached to their mobile phones and social media, sometimes having it all but near completely replace real life social interaction. I was in my mid teens myself when the internet came up, but in my late 20s when social media started, so I reckon I'm in the old farts group. And it's true that I don't use much social media, other than facebook messenger with some friends; I got an instagram page that lies dormant as I can't be arsed with it and may have made 3 tweets overall (not a fan of the shouty, smartass outlook of twitter). I don't have or want a smartphone and neither whatsapp, as the daily time demands of email and messenger are big enough as it is now and I hate the mobile phone pings demanding attention. But I am an ancient fossil already, that much is clear.
Like the youngsters who were interviewed in that video say: it has become so normal among their peers to meet up in restaurants, and then for everybody to grab their phone and be immersed in it, while out with each other. That many don't even realize anymore how absolutely absurd, rude and sad it all is, or SEEMS at least to old farts like me. And also perhaps to those stepping away from it all. My friend said to that: "Many know... or eventually know... but prefer the glow of the ever-validating mirror (the adoration of 'friends' and 'fans' that are essentially strangers). I perceive communication via text to be partly dehumanizing, as such communication filters crucial aspects of what is the complete personality of an individual." And that by giving their phones and online persona so much time and energy, the real human life relationships suffer... making people feel even more isolated and lonely, which in turn makes them grab for their phones even more. Online life has become a reality of its own, far away from every day reality in many ways, and of course this will not go away anymore, despite what some old whiners like me and some others are saying about it. The future IS virtual reality. As the planet will become more overpopulated and grim, more and more people will flee into the virtual reality online world, until we are living complete parallel lives there. Once virtual reality becomes inextinguishable from real life, or even better than reality, it may for a lot of people even replace reality in the future. I suspect kids will just put on their headsets and consoles in the morning, and spend their entire day in the Virtual world in 50 years from now, living in a massive simulation. Like Sam Vaknin says is already happening today: these people are interacting with digital renditions of other people, of objects, of places, of events. Like in the Matrix. These people often hardly see the people they interact with in real life. But what will that do to our psyche? Because abandoning reality in any shape or form has mostly always caused humans depression and anxiety eventually. And how will it affect our freedom of thought, our creativity etc? I'm glad I won't have to live through most of that shit myself, to be honest.
Sam Vaknin: "Selfies today constitute 60% of all activity on social network. We don't have statistics for the beginning, but I remember the beginning. And I remember when social networks started, it was never about selfies. I don't remember selfies. The selfie became very prominent in 2015, 2014. And today it is 6 our of every 10 posts. In other words: 6 out of every 10 times, we interact with ourselves. We watch ourselves, we shoot ourselves. I'm looking at me, you look at me. Me. So we have a situation of making love to ourselves, literally, psychologically, falling in love with ourselves. I mean you take photos of yourself all the time, you must be in love. Developing emotional investment in ourselves. This is known as cathexis. Cathexis is emotional investment. Object relation theory and psychology told us that we start (in life) with being emotionally invested in ourselves, and then we learn to externalize this investment, and invest in others. And this is called object relations. We invest in objects. But social media reverses this progress and creates regression. Indeed, social media encourages very primitive, infantile, baby-like defense mechanisms. Such as splitting; you are either my friend or my enemy. You don't like me, you are my enemy. You like me, you are my friend. The like/dislike is very binary." - A brilliant, concise observation of narcissism and engineered regression. My friend said about this: "One discipline Taoist, Buddhists, Stoics, and other ascetics practice--keep any such 'investments' at minimum, and always be prepared to let go of any and all things... all things being transitory. I find it unfortunate that to present date humanity has not evolved as a civilization to the extent of accepting--and practicing--this irrefutable conclusion. The obsession with possession, with subjugation, with control, with power persists relentlessly toward yet one more cycle of auto-destruction. How... regressive."The big corporations also want to keep growing and org's like facebook and google etc are already so powerful, they can do what they want. Google now according to a whistle-blower manipulates what you see in a search, and suppresses right wing news channels. Just like facebook pushes certain news during the elections to manipulate users to read certain news over other news. We already found out they were selling our data to other corporations and what were the legal ramifications? Zuckerberg fronting up to Congress and answering questions like a robot and then going home. Oh, and then everyone went back onto their FB. And no one's stopping them. The Circle, that book I read; its a very simple book in the way its written and not really a masterpiece at all, but what I did like about it, is that it predicts just that in the near future; a facebook/google like multi corporation, where everyone is checked 24/7. A corporation which makes you only able to vote politically through their social media company. Which checks every-bodies health with wrist meters; everything will be digitized and controlled. This mega corporation took over normal parliaments etc in the book. It might actually truly be the direction in which these mega companies are heading in real life too. They're already above the law; get tax breaks, abuse personal data. They do what the fuck they want. But now membership or use of their services is still voluntary. In the future, they may intertwine their services so craftily with every day functions such as health checks, voting, means of personal identification, police assistance, welfare receiving etc etc, that there is no real choice left anymore for those who are in any way linked to society. Unless you want to live in a cabin in the woods (which one of the characters in The Circle also tries to). At some point in time it will be illegal NOT to have a social media account. You'll be followed everywhere; health insurances will see all your medical data from your special wristband which measures everything.
Happy and healthy 2020
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